On certain occasions the child threatens you to break various things or to break his own head. Look! The child is a lot wiser than you are. He understands your psychology pretty well. He knows that you will not be able to bear with this loss.

Maimoona, Islamabad

Your child disturbs you a lot. He is very stubborn. He performs indecent acts. Especially he behaves rudely in front of the guests. Often mothers have this complaint that in the child is naturally very innocent. Our environment and society makes him everything. Every child is born on his nature. His parents make him mischievous and insolent. God forbid, you do not do it intentionally. Rather the reason is that you do not understand the psychology of your child.

The child has a natural desire for love and affection. You also have a lot of love for your child. But in the time of infancy which lasts from the birth to the first five years, the child becomes a victim of this doubt that his parents and other members of the family do not love him. Or his other siblings are loved more than he is loved and cared about. Then the child does different sort of weird actions to attract other people towards himself subconsciously. He makes a lot of noise, or acts stubbornly without reason. When he loses trust of his mother that she does not fulfill all of her desires then he puts his demands forward to the guests. He knows that they will fulfill his desires before his crying so that you do not have to feel embarrassed in front of the guests. On certain occasions the child threatens you to break various things or to break his own head. Look! The child is a lot wiser than you are. He understands your psychology pretty well. He knows that you will not be able to bear with this loss that he will incur with his destruction. Or you will not bear the pain of your sweet heart that he will bear by striking against the walls. Thus, you will succumb to his desires even before his actions. But he does all of this subconsciously. The child does not do anything consciously. In various children Allah Almighty has blessed these different qualities. Some children are naturally serious and patient. But a few are belligerent and love to fight. Thus, if some of your kids are very naughty or and some are very noisy then do not be upset. Rather you need to be careful about a few things. The nature has blessed different people with different minds. Some are genius, some are intelligent, some are less intelligent, and a few are dumb. Thus, if you expect the child to do more than what he is capable of naturally, then you will be disappointed. Try to polish the natural abilities of your child. If your child is naturally keen about fighting and you see that he comes to fists with siblings or friends on ordinary things, then you can try to divert his attention to something else very intelligently. In the language of psychology this method is called as diversion. Thus, if you endorse the bent of the child correctly, then know that you have saved your child from spoiling. For example, you can hang a sand bag in your house for the bellicose and wrathful child and ask him to punch it as hard as he can, and I shall try to save it from your attack. Let’s see if you aim well or I defend well.

Believe me, your child will take a lot of interest in this activity. His interest for fighting will be fulfilled like this. And in the end he would be beating this bag time and again. And like this his natural inclination will also be fulfilled. Similarly, if your child ruins the walls with pencils or coal, give him a huge paper and a colored pencil. When he will stretch lines on the paper with the pencil, encourage him. Your child’s attention would be diverted away from ruining the walls to the drawing room. And it is quite possible that your child may grow up to become an artist.

If your child naturally wants to make noise, do not panic. Let him make noise occasionally. This is his birth right. If you scare him all the time then it is quite possible that he may keep quite temporarily due to your fear. But deep inside, he will feel stifled. And the result would be that he would start doing other type of indecent actions. So please let the child make noise with his age fellows. In this you suffer less and the child has more benefits.

By the age of four or five years the children do not tolerate any kind of restrictions. That is why let them do everything independently and freely. Sometimes the child would like to play on the floor by conducting front roles. Or he would make his hands dirty with sand. Do not prohibit him. Do not stop him. Playing freely like this would have positive effects on his mental and physical health. Often mothers do not let their children play independently because they would make their clothes dirty like this. If you have such a thought in your mind then have your child dressed in simple, cheap and loose dresses. But do not get disturb his play and independence. If you act with open heartedness in this regard, then whenever you will dress your child up for wedding or any other function, the child will himself take care of his clothes. He would be conscious that he does not have to ruin his expensive clothes. But remember that the child would not tolerate this restriction for a long time too. In young age the children listen to stories with keen interest. You can teach the child a lot while telling him stories. For example, you see that your child is naturally weak hearted, and then tell him a story of a child in which there is a mention of another child’s bravery and chivalry. I clearly remember that when I was quite young, my father often used to tell me such small stories by listening to which I also wanted to become brave and well-mannered like the child in the story; even though all of those stories were fabricated by my father himself.