Solutions for entangled letters of distressed and torn families

(Must send response envelope with complete address, don’t haste for reply.)

Our brother might leave us:We married our brother with great wishes. Our sister in law is out of family, she is good natured but reserve while we talk too much. Our mother’s language is slightly harsh and she talks to our sister in law in the same manner as she talks to us for example, “I know you would keep avoiding this work or that you all keep making stories and nobody wants to cook the food”. We are used to such language. Our sister in law remains silent but she gets angry over it. Many times she got angry with me as well and now her behavior is not the same as before. Perhaps she is frustrated by staying with us and wants to live separately but we have only one brother and we cannot live without him. (Farhana, Lahore)

Advice:  Words can hurt or cure someone. If you talk to your sister in law with love and politeness, she will also behave well. Do not be suspicious. Your mother should also try to bring good changes in her behavior. No matter if she says what she wants, but she should change her words for example, “It’s better to prepare the food first; you do good work, just do it quickly etc. and so on. It is also a fact that it’s not possible to bring much change in your mother’s behavior. She is older so your sister in law should overlook even if she says something bad but you can change yourself as you are at such an age when it’s not so hard to change your habits and temperament. Think before saying anything that you may not be unpleasing someone and if you ever hurt someone, there is nothing wrong with saying sorry for that.

Am I living with a mad woman? My wife does not bear anyone even me in the home; I think she is forced to live with me. She gets out of temper without any reason and does not avoid even beating me. She does not like anyone coming to our home, keeps awake at night and tells me in the morning that some body was roving about in the home at night and she also heard someone talking that did not let her sleep. I assure her that that there is no one and nobody lives in the home except me and her. She thinks that people are her enemy and they talk against her. One day she started abusing and snapped at me. I talked to my family friends about this; they said that someone has casted a spell on her otherwise no woman can think of beating her husband. I took her to a witch doctor; he said that she is possessed by some evil spirit which keeps talking all the night. Then he held my wife’s head so tightly that she could not move and bent her face on a burning lamp. I kept sitting silently with my friend. On our way back she kept moaning with pain. When we reached home, I saw that her face was burnt with the lamp fire and the next morning she had blisters on her face. It hurt me a lot and I took her to the doctor. I did not tell the whole thing to the doctor as I was afraid, however he asked about her condition and said that she was suffering from mental illness. Since then I am extremely worried that I am living with a mad woman!  (Zafar Iqbal, Multan)

Advice:  It’s not good to consider a mental patient to be mad because nowadays even severe mental disorders are treatable. In the same way your wife’s illness can also be treated. Do not be superstitious as her attitude shows that she is suffering from severe mental disorder. Unfortunately there are some misconceptions about mental disorders such as many people think that these disorders are caused by genii, evil spirits or supernatural elements. The patient becomes a victim of fears, illusions and deceptions and sees such strange things and hears sounds which others do not see and hear. When people see the patient behaving strangely they start thinking that the person is possessed by some evil spirit or someone has casted a spell on him. With this thought they start going to the witch doctors where the poor patient has to suffer different tortures. As a result, the patient’s condition worsens and besides his mental disorder, he has to bear physical illness as well. You can consult a good psychiatrist for your wife’s treatment so that you can live a normal life. Also treat her facial injuries and never repeat such serious mistake again.

What kind of love is this?  I like a girl who is very poor though her family is very nice, they are wise and civilized people. She is my sister’s friend but now my sister is opposing her strongly. My family is silent over this issue. Maybe they are shocked that how it happened. The girl’s family has refused to give any dowry although my family has not yet sent them a formal marriage proposal. I think the marriage will take place with silence and simplicity but I am also very afraid. I do not know what kind of love is this? (Mohammad Sajid, Gujrat)

Advice: The most important thing is your financial condition. Are you in a position to bear the responsibility of a girl? If you are, then do not be afraid. There is nothing bad about marrying with simplicity rather it is good! But meaning of silence is not clear. If it means that you will marry secretly then never do it. Also ask your sister why she is opposing her friend and do not take any step without your family’s consent. Parents do the best for their children’s upbringing and take every care of them. So they have all the right to participate in their children’s future decisions.